Designing space for grief and connection into your home
At 27, Alica Forneret had just moved from California to Scotland when her mother died. The PAUSE founder and grief writer found she needed a safe space to mourn. Though there were daybeds to write from and windows to read by, she frequently found herself crying in the shower.
Seven years later with a husband and baby and new home, she’s been able to weave important objects into the design of the interior to remember her mom.
"My favorite way to hold space for my grief and honor my mom is by bringing her into the room through storytelling. So one of my favorite ways to do that is by highlighting things in our home that visitors, family, and friends, can see and comment on, which in turn allows me to tell my favorite stories about my mom,” Forneret explained.
For Forneret, some particular objects represent the stories of her mother and her Canadian roots.
She tells Solstice, “In our living room, I'm sitting across from a bear rug that has been in our family for decades. Every time people come through our front door it catches their attention and this invites me to talk about my mom's old family cabin in rural Ontario – a place that was important to her and a place where we scattered her ashes.”
Forneret says she has also incorporated photos of her mother, greenery in her office and a diffuser in her bedroom to make space for grief at home.
Writer Brittany Anas explains when she was growing up, her family had a rule that no one should eat alone. With late-night basketball practices and her dad’s job at a GM plant, the pair often ate their reheated dinners together. After her father died, she was moving into a new home where she would live by herself. She decided to make an unconventional design choice.
Anas writes in Apartment Therapy that she decided to place a large canvas photo of her dad in the kitchen where she could see it. “I decided to hang it on my kitchen wall, facing my dining table. That way, it’d feel like he was eating dinner with me. With no one else around, I could even talk to him out loud, telling him everything I wanted to text him during the day.”
Los Angeles designer Sarah Barnard now incorporates “gentle questions” about personal wellness in her work and often makes room for small “pocket altars” and meditation spaces.
For Forneret, the objects that bring her connection with her mom’s memory are not in one place but blended throughout her home.
She told Solstice, “These objects act as less of a dedicated singular shrine, but rather a few precious items that have been thoughtfully worked into our decor to allow me to continue connecting with my mom and my grief. Which has been incredibly special, particularly considering the fact that my mom has never seen or been inside our home.”
These objects connect Forneret to her mom in a way that her private objects don’t, “So having that connection to her – despite the fact that the memories I share weren't made in this physical space – has been lovely. And it has honestly felt even more impactful than the things of hers I keep privately on shelves or in boxes, which are just for me.”
By Rebecca Roberts Galloway
Photo: Aaron Lee