Creating new mourning rituals
Grief expert David Kessler says there is no tidy “cure” for grief, but there are many ways to process it. Kessler’s popup Facebook group has grown to more than 30,000 members since it launched.
In a poignant video, psychotherapist Esther Perl urges us to live and to laugh. Perl says social connection and purpose have healing power — “sharing stories and accurate information, helping each other, and lifting one anothers’ spirits — is the most powerful antidote to fear, loneliness, and isolation.”
Though many of our traditional rituals rely on our five senses, Roy Grinker, an anthropology professor at George Washington University, says people are adapting. “There’s an extraordinary resilience and creativity of people to figure out how to do what they need to do in order to mourn, in order to grieve,” Grinker said. Grinker’s study, “Rituals in the Making,” looks at how families are creating new mourning rituals.
Grief and trauma therapist and author Ajita Robinson offers some ideas on new ways to mourn.
- Pool money to plant a tree or make a donation.
- Watch a loved one’s favorite movie simultaneously.
- Create a song, journal or photo collage.
- Light a candle every day.
- Read poems as part of a virtual ceremony.
Anthropologist Maribel Alvarez says rituals around mourning and grief give us time to pause in moments of reflection, “We can embellish something that is ordinary … a day where you cut flowers and put them on the table and light candles and sing songs … or bring out photographs. Even a daily neighborhood walk can become a reflection on the loss of someone you love, she says.
“The essence of ritual is yes, being in collectivity with others, but it’s also making it really thick and pausing in the moments to bring certain reflections.”
Portland-based grief therapist Megan Devine offers support and resources online for those coping with grief. As Devine explains, “connection makes the unbearable just a little easier to bear.”
By Rebecca Roberts Galloway